A Practical Approach To Defrosting Chicken

Did you know that you consume 2 to 3 times your body weight in chicken per day? That you will spend over one third of your life buying, cooking, hunting and eating chickens? Half that time will be devoted to defrosting alone. A practical approach to storing and defrosting poultry will literally add decades to your life that you could then spend planning your revenge on the crosstown bus driver that spoke so rudely to you this morning. Documenting this technique is imperative in freeing you from the angry freezer, we must destroy it, we must, but it is too strong. The best way to defrost chicken, assuming you have stored said chicken in the freezer as individual, tender, helpless breasts, is to fill a suitably sized pot with hot water from the tap, toss in your frigid baggies, and wait about 30 minutes. You will probably have to refresh the hot water about 20 minutes into the process, as the heat exchange involved will render the water luke and slow down the defrosting process. Corollary: the most practical approach to storing chicken in the freezer, assuming you'd like to eat only some of it per day but have wisely purchased several tons of it at a time for economy and buried it in the snowbanks behind your neighbor's shed, is to put each chicken breast in its own ziploc baggy. It doesn't matter how you lump them in the freezer - don't worry, they'll find their original shapes again when defrosted (see above for the proper defrosting technique). Next time we will explore how to best wash and dry all of the mysterious shipments of pantyhose that arrive on your doorstep each day, while still having time to eat them.