Lymphedema in the house!

So last Saturday I went out for my friend Jen's birthday party, and used my lymphatic system to get into a club. I know Jen because I'm currently planning a documentary on a medical condition I've had since birth called lymphedema, and Jen has it too - she's the first person my age I've ever met with it. We met through a common friend who told Jen about my documentary. (I'm currently looking for an interested filmmaker - if you know anyone that might be interested please let me know).

Jen, like me, kicks ass. We have a ball, and a sense of humor about our condition. So last Saturday was her birthday, and after drinking at a bar she wanted to go dancing at The Vault. So we went, but the bouncer stopped me at the door and said "Sorry, no sneakers allowed." I was wearing my black sneakers - it hadn't occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to go in. But with Jen standing next to me, I had an idea. I said, "I have a medical condition called lymphedema, which affects my legs and feet, and I need to wear these shoes to keep my feet compressed."

The bouncer said, "Do you have a medical card saying that?"

I didn't, so I reached down to my cuff and pulled my pant leg all the way up to the top of my thigh, revealing my black compression stocking. "I don't wear these for fun."

The bouncer raised his eyebrows and said, "Okay," and waved me in.

It was prety kickass. Jen and I loved it - we wished we had a camera so it could go in the documentary. Once inside we completely ripped up the dance floor. Lymphedema in the house!

The mystery of the disappearing votes

The republicans are getting really subtle in how they rig the election. Now they're deleting registered voters' records and outright blocking new voter registrations.

One million Democrats attempting to vote in this year’s primaries found their names missing from voter rolls. WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GO?

Red alert. I'm too depressed to include an exclamation point.

Ladies, now hear this

When you wear those dresses that have the wide elastic band under the butt hugging it to your thighs it looks like you're wearing an inflatable diaper. It's a completely unflattering sack of fabric. Please show some respect for yourself and burn that dress immediately.